Big Night with History February 9, 2010

February is Black History Month.  I think every school around the US does something special to honor, commemorate and celebrate the rich history and contributions of Black Americans in our society.  Most schools have special speakers, put on an assembly – something where family, friends and the community can come and see that their children are being taught diversity, history and a culture (at least in my community) that is not readily available.  Our school is no different.

So tonight, I took Blue, Girlie and Gorilla to Professor’s Big Night with History (Racer is STILL gone).  Professor’s class was performing a traditional African song and dance.  Before I start talking about how we “americanize” so many traditional aspects of other culture and nations, let me say how proud I am of my Professor.  He told me beforehand that he didn’t know the song/dance very well, but he was excited and would do his best.  I felt such joy to see my oldest son trying to move in the way he was taught, entertaining and educating the families in attendance.  The song and dance represented the African tradition of getting strength from God, Ancestors and Togetherness.  As his teacher was explaining the movements and symbolism (the God aspect in particular), Professor looked over at me, smiled and gave a big thumbs up!  He was so proud that he could sing and dance something from another culture and still represent the God that he knows and loves.  That is a major thing for a young boy to grasp.  A young boy that lives a fairly sheltered and protected life.  A young boy that hasn’t met that many people who are truly different from him.

The program continued with an amazing artist named Kwabena Dinizulu.  He is a poet and griot (pronouned gree-oh) raised on 143rd in Harlem and now living in Florida.  He played a djembe (a type of drum) and told stories under the old tree.  We laughed.  We listened.  I hope we walked away as better people.  Then, in the tradition of so many cultures, we ate together.  The school provided a simple menu for those families that wanted to stay and share more time together.

As Baba Kwabena ended his time with us, he reminded us all – particularly the parents and elders in the audience – to tell stories.  To pass the stories on to our children and the other children in our villages.  Stories pass along information.  Stories relay life experience and wisdom.  Stories shape who we are, where we’ve been and where we’re headed.  Stories are in every culture and every tradition of the world.  Today, we are forgetting to tell our stories, thus we are forgetting our history. 

So today, I issue you the same challenge that I was issued.  Tell a story.  Tell just one story of something you did that taught you a lesson.  As I put Girlie to bed tonight, I did just that.  I told her the story of a time I climbed a walnut tree…

Let me leave you with this video of a wonderful storyteller.  Enjoy!

Heart’s Cry February 8, 2010

My heart has been crying out a lot over the past year.  It’s crying out for so many things – people, situations, my family, our life.  Sometimes I have the words, sometimes I don’t.  Sometimes I laugh to share my heart with Jesus.  Sometimes I cry to share my heart with Jesus.  Sometimes I’m so far into the muck of life that I forget to share my heart with Jesus.

But sometimes, just sometimes, I feel the overwhelming sense that I’m on the right path.  I, along with others in my church and community, are reading the book Heart’s Cry by Jennifer Kennedy Dean.  God placed this book and I together for “such a time as this.”  As I struggle to make sense of the challenges my family faces, this book is helping me to sense the guiding and comfort of the Holy Spirit in my life. 

My go to verse lately has been Jeremiah 29:11 “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  This verse reminds me that God has good plans for my life.  He knows what He’s doing and where I’m going.  What this verse DOES NOT say is that the path will be easy.  It DOES NOT remind me that when I say Yes to God, He will make all things smooth and comfortable. 

Heart’s Cry is helping me to yield my spirit fully to the work of the Holy Spirit.  As my heart cries out to Jesus, what I really and truly want is for God’s Will to be done in my life.  I don’t say that for any other reason than this – what I want is what I want, not necessarily what God wants for me.  My heart cries out with what I want out of a situation, but really, I don’t know what is right.  I can’t see 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years down the road.  God does and has always seen that path, that future.  So as I am being transformed into a beautiful silver that conducts the love and image of Christ, I am learning to allow the Holy Spirit to match the cry of my heart to the heart that God has designed just for me.

It ain’t easy, but I know that my Creator sees a much bigger and better plan for me than I do.  And I LOVE to plan…!

Another Coupon Game Win! February 5, 2010

I did it again!  This time I saved 71% – YEAH ME!!  So earlier this week, I shared my first real success at playing the coupon game well.  Today, I’ve been doing even better.  I’ve been reading other blogs about frugal living, saving money and couponing.  So I used what I learned and went to my main grocery store, armed with my printable coupons and other coupons loaded onto my store savers card (click here and here for more info).  So, here is what I bought:

12 roll pkg. of toilet paper, 4 bags chex mix snack, 1 pkg. steam veggies, 2 boxes granola bars, 4 bags of fish crackers

The grand total:  $10.22 

That’s right – I saved $25.99 – 71%!!!  This was almost all snack stuff that I wouldn’t usually buy, but it was on sale, I had coupons in hand, PLUS my new love – coupons that you “send” to your store saver card that automatically deduct. 

As for the not shopping and cooking with what I have…  so yeah, I went shopping.  Let me say, however, that I have meals planned out for the entire next week based on what we already had at home.  Nothing that I bought will be used for meals – just snacks. 

So today’s dinner menu – chili with drop biscuits.  I’ve got lots of stuff marked in my trusty, go to cookbook.  Now if the kids will just cooperate and let me cook… 

Maybe I’ll just let them help!

Answered Heart Prayers February 4, 2010

I am working with my kids on what we call “heart prayers.”  Memorized, routine prayers are fine when just learning to pray or in certain situations.  God, however, wants us to share what is in our hearts.  So when talking to my kids, we call those “heart prayers.”  Anyway, at our church, we have a meal before the Wednesday night studies.  Before the meal, those present get in a circle, hold hands and one person prays for our meal.  Last night, I asked the Professor to bless the food.  This was his prayer:

Dear God, thank you for this glorious day.  Bless this food and help it taste good to those of us who don’t like tacos.  Amen

I laughed.  Other adults laughed.  Some of the kids even laughed.  We laughed, not because it was silly,  but because his prayer was totally and utterly honest.  Professor does not like tacos.  He knew he would have to eat them and thus was asking God for help and mercy in getting through what he saw as a daunting, difficult task.

The thing is, I need to do more of the same.  When facing something we don’t want to do, we often ask God to remove that difficult task.  Maybe, instead, we should ask God to make the hard experience one that feeds us, grows us and in the end tastes like God’s goodness. 

God also wants us to ask for the desires of our heart.  Actually, he wants the desires of our heart to be His heart.  Professor asked for what he really wanted.  Whether those tacos tasted good or not, he’d have to tell you.  But what I do know is that God heard the prayers of that little boy.  He heard him cry out in frustration.  God hears us, too.  He hears us when we come to Him in honesty, desperation, frustration and joy.  He hears us when we come to Him not even knowing what to say.

This week, God is answering prayers for my family.  Not my prayers, but the prayers of my friends.  Racer is gone in Daytona and people are praying for me and the kids as we go 9 days without him at home.  I must say that God is answering those prayers.  The chaos and noise are minimal.  My stress and frustration and need to have a break are minimal.  We miss him and are handling his absence much better than usual.  So those that are praying – Thank you!

As you all read, you get to hear about me, my family, my life – the joys and the struggles.  But I want to hear about you!!  Tell me, what are you crying out for?  What prayers has God been answering in your life??

Coupon Game Success!! February 2, 2010

Today, I am claiming a small victory at the grocery store!!  I went in prepared and came out a victor.  I matched my coupons up with what was on sale – especially the buy 10 save $5 items.  Then ground beef was on sale (with my store saver card) and so was frozen chicken, both of which my family eats a lot of.  Then I had some coupons for cleaning products – buy 2 get this product free (one of the options was on sale too).  Then I had 2 coupons for a new product out – $1 off a package of toilet paper and a $1 off OR a free roll.  So here is the list of what I got:

2 boxes store brand corn flakes, 96 oz. bleach, 12 rolls toilet paper made from recycled paper, 1.5 pt. ice cream, 3 boxes fiber granola bars, 6 bags fish crackers, 2 containers of disinfectant cleaning wipes, 3 lbs. store brand frozen chicken pieces, 1 lb. polish sausage, 8 lbs. ground beef

The grand total before discounts and coupons was about $82.  I paid $33.27!!  Yeah for me!!  The store paid me $1 to take the toilet paper out of the store (they read the coupon wrong in my favor) and I got the bleach and cleaning wipes for $2.01.  I know there are people out there who do a far better job playing the coupon game, but this was the best success I’ve had yet, so I just had to share.  I’m learning and that’s what it’s all about!! 

Now, on to my challenge to cook from what I have for the next 2 weeks (minus milk, bread and lunch meat).  I have the menu planned and ready to go.  I’ll let you know how it goes…

Not Me! Monday Ramblings February 2, 2010

What to write, what to write…  There are so many things swirling around in my head.  My mom called me today – “so I’ve been reading your blog…”  Yeah mom, there’s stuff in my life I haven’t told you about.  There’s a lot of stuff in my life people don’t know about.  I’m being challenged to be real – authentic.  As Christians, we’re supposed to take off the mask of propriety and allow others to see who we really are.  I’m all for it.  But dang that’s hard.  Do I really want people to see who I am inside?  Do I really want people to know what I’m thinking and feeling?  Do I really want people to know who I’ve been, what I’ve said and what I’ve done.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a “bad person.”  I’ve never been in jail, I’ve never done drugs, I’ve never even been in a fist fight (although someday maybe, just to see if I could hold my own).  But I am so not proud of some things.

So on this Not Me! Monday, here are my confessions…

I did not make fun of a girl when I was in high school who had a tumor on her spine.

I did not say ugly things to my husband and mean them.

I did not hear my friend sharing difficulties about a co-worker and think that she could’ve been talking about me.

I did not hear my Gorilla crying and think “Oh will you stop already!”

I did not go just a little over-board when getting after Blue for leaving an ENTIRE pack of gum in her pocket as I washed AND dried her clothes.

I did not have a pity-party on Sunday.

I did not bawl like a baby and hope no one would notice (yeah, I’ll bet they didn’t).

I did not lie to a teenager and say I was just tired.

I’m not writing this thinking I sound like a complete mess and should just be quiet now…

So slowly, more and more of my ugliness comes out.  And this is tame.  Sometimes when I feel like this, I look around and feel so selfish.  That’s where I think the hard part comes in.  I just feel so selfish.  My life is sooooo much better than what others have.  We have a home (that is now mice free I think).  We have so many clothes that I can barely keep up with the laundry (and there’s the dryer buzzer).  We have food that we throw out because it doesn’t get eaten.  We love each other.  And yet, sometimes it just doesn’t seem good enough.

Isn’t that what our culture is trying to tell us?  That what we have isn’t good enough.  That we need this prepackaged food to make our family dinner time a beautiful bonding experience.  That we need this car to be respected by other drivers.  That we need this pill to lose weight so we can be happy.  That this one little product will make life better.  What a load of crap.  The box of pasta, the metal on wheels, the powder, the junk won’t do anything for us.  We can get so entangled in the messages of the world that we lose track of the true message of life.

“Jesus answered, ‘I am the Way and the Truth and the Life’” (John 14:6)  A different job won’t do it.  More money won’t do it.  A bigger house won’t do it.  Being debt-free won’t do it.  Understanding the chaos won’t do it.  Only total and full dependence on Jesus Christ will do it. 

And then, as we rely on Christ, we can learn as Paul did “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances” (Philippians 4:11).  Isn’t it really a matter of contentment?  As I take off the masks I wear and allow my vulnerability to show, I can realize that what I have does come from God.  As I journey through this life, I will not be perfect.  I don’t have to be.  My life does not have to be neatly put together with everything and everyone in it’s place.  I can also be content with what I have right now.  As Paul said though, I have to LEARN to be content. 

A close friend sent me an email today and reminded me that while sometimes life is hard, we are being refined and purified through a process.  As I rely on Christ as my stability, my strength and my anchor, I can be content in knowing that who I am is only being made better.  I can be content in knowing that I am being shaped and molded and formed into the likeness of Christ.  Whatever I have in my life right now is temporary.  I can be reasonably happy in this life and content knowing that I will be supremely happy in the next.

So am I crazy? January 29, 2010

Today I had an experience that I’ve never had before.  I had a psychological exam.  That’s right, an interview and 2 written tests to create a psychological profile.  It’ll be a few weeks before I know if I’m crazy or not…  So why did I have this exam?  It’s just one step on the road to being a Licensed Local Pastor.  You see, I’m in the process of mentoring, exploring and studying what God’s call is on my life.  I’m not totally sure where that will lead, but I’m beginning, slowly and in small pictures, to see where God could be taking me.  I feel stirrings in my heart.  I feel confirmation at different times in my soul.  I feel restless at the possibilities.  I’m excited and scared and nervous and in awe all at the same time.  Why is God choosing me?

I sat for two hours with a pleasant woman named Leslie.  While I know very little about her and her life, I wonder if we have a lot in common.  I’d not met her before today, but I felt as if we could be good friends.  So for 2 hours, she got to hear about my family, my extended family, my marriage, my divorce, my high school experience, my friendships, and my obsessive need to organize my life (well, mostly only when it feels totally out of control!).  She learned that I was sexually harassed in high school (now the secret’s out), that I have a fear of becoming an alcoholic (thus why I no longer drink any type of “adult beverage”), and that I think I have a snarky sense of humor.  After our conversation was done - well at lease our “time was up for today” – I took 2 written exams.  The first that I completed was a true/false type of test.  I really dislike that type of test.  In fact my response was “I HATE that type of test!”  Looking back, that was a little dramatic on my part.  What I dislike so much about them though, is that I am forced to fit into a category.  Me who likes to put things into neat little boxes does not like to be forced into one direction or the other.  I like to have the opportunity to explain myself…  Thus the reason that I like the second “complete the sentence” test so much better.  I like the freedom to be creative, funny, reflective, odd or serious as I choose. 

Through this experience, I got the chance to really have a drive-thru view of my life.  I’ve come a long way baby!!  I don’t say that because I’m someone great.  Trust me, I’m not.  But I say that because I got to see, on a somewhat larger scale, how far God has brought me.  I can see how my obedience and brokeness have brought wisdom and maturity.  I’ve got a LOOONNGGG way to go, but I know that if I continue to take simply one step of obedience at a time, that God will continue to be faithful to me. 

I wonder sometimes if the me I was at 21 would be able to meet and see the me that I am now, what would I think?  I would probably think that the now me was crazy telling the younger me about all the life changes that would happen in the next 10 years.  I would probably think that the now me was crazy for being on a path that could lead to pastoring a church.  If the now me asked the 21-year-old me “So am I crazy?” the 21-year-old me would probably answer – in a snarky way – yes. 

But I don’t always think that’s a bad thing.  Yes, from a worldview, a non-Christian looking in, my life and the path I’m on does probably look a little crazy.  Christians are supposed to seem different.  Shoot, with Jesus there were only three options about the claims He was making about Himself – He was either a liar, crazy or truthful.  I can see how crazy was an option.  I does look crazy to have a snowy Sunday morning when you could totally sleep in and have a late breakfast but instead get up, get dressed “up” and go to a building to hang out with a bunch of people you may or may not like just to sing songs, talk to, and learn about a “being” that you can’t even see.  It does seem a bit crazy to dedicate yourself to being a servant to others.  It does seem crazy that I would actually, voluntarily give up my money so that people I don’t even know can go to a country on the other side of the world, and sing songs and tell stories to children that I will never even meet.  It does seem crazy that I am content to plant seeds that I may never see grow. 

So yeah, maybe I am just a little bit crazy.  I hope you are too.

Just one more reason… January 26, 2010

why I don’t do Facebook. Not my research, but thanks to the other blogger who did… “Why Facebook is Necessary”

Not Me! Monday January 25, 2010

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. As for me, here is what I’ve not been doing lately…

I didn’t eat almost an entire large popcorn at the movies Friday night.

I didn’t try to boss my husband around and then feel bad about it.

I didn’t spend time in message boards when I should’ve spent time cleaning or playing with the kids.

I didn’t not wear a coat today (when there were flurries) when I always insist that Blue wear one.

I didn’t eat 2 slices of raisin bread with cream cheese, a chocolate covered donut and a slice of yummy pumpkin bread with cream cheese frosting for breakfast and then eat lunch at my regluar time.

So that’s what I’ve NOT been doing lately. How about you?

Date Night with the Professor January 23, 2010

Tonight was a Date Night for me.  My date got to choose; we saw the chipmunk movie and went to “The Calcium King” (that’s what Racer and I call it when we want to decide in front of the kids if we want to go there or not).  As you might have guessed, my date was my 8-year-old Professor. 

For Christmas, Racer and I gave our two oldest kids gift certificates for time out with just mom or dad – alone.  Sometimes I think they get jipped when it comes to time with us.  So today, Professor turned his “date night” card into me and we went out.  It was so sweet too.  Of course I paid (after all, he doesn’t have a job as he put it) and he held open the door.  Seriously, my 8-year-old held the door for me.  We got popcorn, drinks and candy.  I chuckled; he laughed.  We shared.  He was so tired, but didn’t really want to fall asleep in the car.  We went for ice cream because that was the plan and I don’t think Professor wanted to alter his plan or miss out on the ice cream.  He looked at me with sleepy, tummy filled, loving eyes and said…

I like you.

I loved hearing him say that.  I think love is just assumed between a parent and child.  Love is something that is just there – a given that will never change.  We just know that we love each other – almost like just knowing that there will be hot lunch available at school.  Parent/child love just is…

But liking the other is another matter all together.  We may know that hot lunch will be at school, but whether we like what is served is another matter all together.  I like that my kid likes me.  I like to hear my Professor say “I like you Mommy” with all the love that is in  his heart.  I will treasure those words.

I like you, my Absent-minded Professor.  You are my favorite Professor in the whole wide world.